This is a compilation of drafts based upon different emotions or thoughts i have had at one point or another.
Some are incomplete, perhaps illegibal, and completely ridiculous.
I would say not to judge me based upon them,
but then you would be crossing your own nature...

Hello I am Amber Boyles and I am different from the rest. Not a mindless idiot, but certainly not the best. A human no less, I do profess, by any request, just put me to the test. See how much you are able to digest. A spree of me, youll see how easy it is to be carefree and live with complexity. The good, the bad, balance, and equality. The figurative realms and present reality. All the tiny braids in my imaginary thread, Hung like whimsical puppetry firmly by my head. From my perch i pretend my feet dangle, like a lofty seed caught in the breeze. Until a sight occurs that makes my heart mangle. An unwelcomed visitor id like to strangle, Quit distracting me in my thoughts please. I know you dont want our paths to tangle. When you make a move there is always a repercussion. If it opposes me or my loved ones, we will lead you to destruction. Adrenaline is an addiction. So either way im always up for a little competition. Im not afraid to fall on my face, and baby that aint fiction. Even when i fall i promise not to be lost forever. Dust off my jeans, smile, and hope for something better. Move forward with no return and unpredictable weather. For this is the life that i choose, Being wild n' crazy and running without shoes. Prancing along discovering hidden clues. Participating in a game that i can neither win, nor lose. So follow me! on this sweet journey! The one that seems to never end, I'll come to your door, we'll roam and explore, and find ways to make the rules bend. Keep going till your brain gets sore, Try to deny guilty pleasures but you know you want more. Be aware i am next to you when trouble is in store. I mean come on love... what else are friends for? Now sit back, shut up, and dont make a peep. Scared bitch? better hold on to your seat. To the top, wont stop, drive untill my ears pop. Let your hair blow to and fro, follow the path's moonlit glow. Take you places you wouldnt go, and show you things you didnt know. But I might start slippin, if you start trippin. Ditch you on the cliff there turn around and start dippin. Just kiddin! ill stay with you, crack a bottle and get to sippin. Life is too short. Dont let Television distort. Enjoy your own world as a resort. Express your love and dont be a poor sport. Never put yourself first, and if you're me, ignore your blood thirst.
Remember that temptation in life can lead to the worst.


I laugh at the pain you proceed to ingest,
Observe the fear in your eyes slowly infest.
Mind, body, and soul condemned to unrest,
Welcome to created fate, a path you detest.

Wherever i am in this place now,
Ive decided to take on the world somehow.
Dont ask me questions, the answers wont make sense.
I must experience everything I wish to in this pretense.
No matter how deadly, idiotic, amazing, or bold,
I want to take it upon me and watch it all unfold.
Just toss them with a whim into my fire,
Escalade the adrenaline, spinning higher and higher.
Intuition will guide and be my only key
No listening to contradictions and people not believing in me.
Ill do what i wish and youll have no say!
Its better for me to live life this way.
Although my post effects are always far from my mind,
I believe that I am a person of a different kind.
I could never leave who i am now behind.
No matter how crazily this life will unwind.

I think that documents are essential items that we need to create.
It is vital to share memories and thoughts.
To teach others and to have anecdotes.
This is why I document most of my beliefs for the world to see.
I want them to understand why i am thinking these kinds of things.
To bring new light and create curiousity,
along with some insight towards unanswered questions.
Ignorance is bliss, but knowledge is power.
Which path will you take?

Be careful what you choose to hide,
because when your truths leak,
and they obviously make you weak,
the more people will taunt and speak.
If you have a secret. keep it well.
know your friends, and who not to tell.
Otherwise, be as open as possible
If they know your comfortable,
they have nothing on you.
Theres nothing for them to gain,
If you show no disdain.

When i look in the mirror I see myself.
My eyes scrutinizing my reflection curiously.
I try to remember the face that used to stare back at me,
and the little changes that have come to what it is now.
Though my brain gets me nowhere and recalls little.
As I look deeper into myself with inclining intensity,
more thoughts arise.
They change many directions only getting more complex and confusing as i go along.
How am i still here? and how am i able to remain returning here everyday to inspect the life i am fulfilling?
I touch my face and take in its shape,
I am real.
I do exist.
Or at least for this point in time of "reality".
What proof do i even have of my existence?

I am on a mission. To find the goodness of the human race in hidden hearts. Its easy to be blinded by the darkness of all the deception and betrayal. As i have been lead astray, a witness to dismay, ive learned a thing or two. On fabricating a way, to save the day, and to ignore the hearts untrue. A high resting place to look down upon a crowded city, only few will take into consideration. One in three million creatures the same, a corrupted pity, implementing a scene of devastation. It makes you very sad, when all you encounter inside them is dark. Though its not so bad, If your able to navigate ones with a spark. In a puzzled world treasures like this are hard to find Think them precious, then your stabbed from behind. Do not lay down your trust for anyone, Unless your a hundred percent certain to have obtained.. An old soul who acknowledges your well being, and will not leave your pieces scattered or maimed. Good hearts like these would keep you from harm, and linger about your existence as a good luck charm. If you have found one like this, cherish them with love and care. People like that in this day and age, if you are unaware, are quite rare. Though I am not angry with the monsters i have come by. Perhaps i wouldnt respect the hurt and trouble i have faced, or be capable of predicting the liars so twisted and sly. With memories of happy times these maggots are erased. One in three million, maybe... but that doesnt mean i wont try, To search for those like me, keeping the outside evil replaced. Ill drown myself in a sea of darkness until the day i die. To find the lights deemed hard to see, and feel like i reside where i should be. With a circle of good company, and those satisfied with their mind free.

Even when your soul is sore and you dont
think you can handle anything else,
You have to get up and stomp your soul to the ground.
Until you've unnaturally forced yourself to fight
for the things you wish to feel or not feel.
It takes alot of work.
but damn if it doesn't make a person stronger.

Dont remember the things you hear,
and forget all you've been persuaded
They dont know me.
You cant see the truth
If its drenched in cold lies.
They can change my reputation
But they cant alter my integrity.
They dont know me.
But sit down
Open your ears
Open your eyes
Open your mind
They dont know me
But i know you can.

A girl in a box is what i'll be,
tighten the locks till I'm thirty-three
Do not try anymore,
I will not open this door.
Dont even try to set me free.
Here in my box I dont want to be found.
In it Ill lie and not make a sound.
No longer will you distort my piece of mind,
Im leaving the feelings far behind.
When i emerge i wont be the same,
Trained to feel nothing, quiet and tame.
No, I am not dead,
It seems my heart's just full of lead,
from playing your twisted game.

Some friends:
If they are in a certain mood you have to be in it with them or it makes them more upset.

The world of today, will not always stay.
Take your time, and love when you may.
Wallow in the beauty of sorrow, but dont fade away,
for the fact is certain you will feel again someday.

Nature is still in our blood.
No matter how many synthetic toxins absorbed,
our bodies dont fully delete the program its been given.
-Looks Matter
-Judgementality
-Power
-Manipulation

Perception of an eldritch scene,
cant tell whats off.
So Ill pay no heed, search no inbetween, and find no deeper mean.
For in my hands, I hold something better.
None else matters. Time, place, nor weather.
I would rather not be
Anywhere,
Than wherever i am presently,
Gazing into your clouded stare.
But the world starts to spin a little out of place,
My head engulfed in dizziness, and heart begins to race.
Something snaps inside that impells me to say,
"Please stay by my side, and dont go away.
You bring me rapture, strength, and so much more,
you are everything I've been waiting here for,
I will love you everyday."
An abstruse smile stretches upon its complexion,
as he begins in a whisper with a tone of affection,
"I will exist, no more than a second."
before i realized the fault in my perception
I was lying in the dark, a victim of deception.

The word "home" means something different to everyone.
A common word, with diverse images.
To me, home isnt a place in which i live, but the places i feel free.
Free to act the way I truly am, without the pressure of analyzing the words i speak to avoid the wrong impressions. Home is where i am comfortable and content. It's a
place where the light in my heart would reside with the warmth of belonging
somewhere. Although all that is wonderful, I'm still talking about the word itself, the
reality of the word isn't always so sweet.

When does anything ever happen on its own?!
We cant just sit around waiting for a difference.
How can we expect that with the amount of patience existing in the world today?

Nothing. Untouched. Changes.

Welcome to this mistake called "your life"
little did they tell you of its nature
All in all, its nothing but a lie.
The people on this earth arent, who you think they are..
A hope that was created, that hides their true hearts.
Uncaring about anything, your existance will hardly scar.
For deep down they know that they'll die too.
Instead of facing up, why not take it out on you?
And the world? depleting all its beautiful space?
Well it doesnt matter to them, their leaving this place.
So thanks to you, the ones who choose,
Being selfish, Only to lose,
Good hearts in many others,
darkening the moods.
The farther away from people i wander,
More thoughts are revealed to ponder.

What do humans and lightbulbs have in common?
if one breaks, just replace it and throw it away.. !?

You have to Milk the cow,
Before you can drink from it.
And
you have to slaughter the cow,
Before you eat it.

Time is a state of mind, a measurement of things to come,
and things left behind.
It is not tangible or something to obtain,
but a concept, a tool, we always long to gain.

I dont want to be the one
who takes the things they have for granted
Or forget the ones
who found my heart when i had left it stranded
Im thankful for every day youve been at my side
and all the securities of shelter when i need a place to hide
Although I havent forgotten of all the bad you've done
Im happier we're still together, laughing, and having fun.

Im reaching blindly for the things
that seem to be right in front of me.
its like i can almost feel the warmth
of a good fate intertwining with my fingertips.
I am slowly opening my eyes to see that
this could be another false hope the world is teasing me with.
This may be very well true, but i am going to hold on
to whatever i think could be possible,
untill everything thats left is obliterated right in front of me.
Sometimes you have to pretend you believe in magic
even if you know its just an illusion.

Theres been a hole inside, but its not gonna show,
Invisible, but every year, it'll grow and grow.
Ill laugh that much louder,
theres no way you will know.
Spackle on the pearly whites a dazzle in your eye
In which now i will blind you from uncovering the lie.

You really dont think about how fragile we all are...
do you? I cant forget.

have you ever just sat in a room..
you know. just kickin it with a bunch of the people you know and love.
The friends you see everyday?
and just wondered how and why they are there?
FUCK
I hate attempting to explain this shit.
There are so many small things a person could realize in such a simple act.
You are yourself.
no one could ever truly know you..
as much as you would right?
You are living, breathing, feeling, seeing, thinking.
but so are they.
You are hyper? happy? whatever..
they might not be.
they are diverse in many ways, and the diversity continues to alter depending on other surrounding people, which bring out the different traits in them. There are also similairities, and they bond those who can connect in that same aspect.
You got me so far?...
okay. so.
Now which one of your friends have you known the shortest?
and if they werent there.
would it really be THAT different?
the situation would still be the same... ?
right?
or maybe it wouldn't.
did something you didnt know you knew disappear too?
but before i get too ahead of myself...
Have you ever been in that horrid situation of shock,
Your body is numb and your knees cant bear to lift your weight...
You cant breathe, you cant move, you just know that you are in soo deep that there is no way to turn back, but your mind cant reject the thought that it has to be a dream.
Scream! Run! do SOMETHING! anything.
There goes your stomach, caving in to the discomfort of thought.
Sulk down into, everything you cant do.
feeling..sick. scared.
You want to sleep, and never wake up.
and fade out from the drone of reality.
but.
Reality is something that is vaguely defined.
an unfinished book with too many endings.
Correct? I mean really.. Im sure i could have a very different reality
than at least one of you reading this.
Not to mention, like the "endings"..
Our realities change based on the things that we let happen to us.
and, based on the way that we think we are supposed to live.
but what changes when someone.. lives to end.
right
before your eyes.
Perhaps they never start?

Fuck this month because today was bad too,
i gained new information, i wished was not true.
although it came to no suprise,
it was something more to dim my eyes.
but my feelings for that ill still disguise.
to retain the emotions i despise.
ive come to realize there is more;
bad to this month than good.
Since my birthday is in it..
it would, it should,
seem to be, a lucky time for me.
but its not, you see..
August 15th, 2004
God was looking to settle a score
Pennsylvania it was, my heart then tore.
take anything else, I wanted to stay more.
another piece of my puzzle removed.
that slit left to never be improved.
and now my aunt is going to die on that day.
my family wont stand to see her writhe in pain, this
way.
pretty lame.
looking to these days in shame.
nothing can ever stay the same.
I look to her today and see, only,
to remain, smoke free.
I dont want to be,
another victim, to thee.
in my, family,
lung cancer.
not me.
my eyes again begin to see.
The ticking of a clock, the sound of life itself.
the meaning makes me crazy, I cant control myself.
Thoughts spinning round and round..
try to keep the thinking down.
to a minimum.
dont listen to em'
The Clocks, tick tock,
time.
dont waste it.
when its running out,
have to face it.
dont lose it,
have to use it.
another minute is passing, shit.
does your mind accept it, and not throw a fit?
Its not stoppping for you,
for me, or they,
we, us, she or he.
no matter the things we do or say.
but it seems my mind is getting lost,
those arent the only points im trying to cross.
another person too, has died today.
one in relation to my life, but distant enough away.
Ill hear of the mourning, another weight on my head.
to sink me further into the world i dread.
a world of careless hearts, lies, selfish minds and hate
how in innocence did i believe in a world so great?
The only solution i have is to wait.
while theres nothing to do about the time passing by,
in the twisted world its still neccessary to try.
not to be, In a current state like me,
sinking deeply, into the earths troubles.
Though im sinking i still try to believe,
and open my lungs to the putrid air we breathe
wait until someday, somehow my heart will achieve,
a chance to be complete,
and feel swept off my feet.
leaving no room to grieve.
waiting, yep, just waiting.
they say patience is a virtue.
faith be on my side.. that this isnt a lie too.
Maybe when august passes my luck will change.
But in my heart a piece stays the same.
To forget nothing, the pain will remain.
I guess ill just have to wait and see.
when equality will be holding a door open for me.
Im a strong willed soul, with a tendancy to lose control.
push me down, and ill find a way to stand.
dont let me stray too far, someday ill need a hand.
but until then dont worry about me.
this typing has really set free,
some of the energy
ive been holding back. so now that ive said it,
cut me some slack. cuz its time for me to hit the sack.
although i probably will not get any sleep,
let my words seep in your mind, their yours to keep.
i shared them with you,
so you can suffer too.
its only because im staying true.
and helping you watch what you do.
Good luck.
and Goodnight. RIP AUNT MIDGE. i Miss you.